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Tuesday, August 29th, 2006

(get me good )

Time:10:04 pm.
sooo i drink ALOT less because i work 2 jobs and i dont have the energy to get drunk. so im making money and saving my life. good move? we'll see.

Wednesday, June 7th, 2006

(3 black eyes | get me good )

Time:12:35 pm.
i hope it all works out with everything that has to do with us. its NOT a game, but i win YOU back. run little man. run.

Friday, May 26th, 2006

(get me good )

Time:5:29 pm.
Mood: exhausted..
its been a long hard road but ive made it. love my mom the way i shouldve. love my sister the way i meant to. got a good solid job, which i intend on keeping for a long time. smoooth like pabst. there we go, kiddo. just ease it in.

things are never that bad that you should give up hope. smile through it all.
and ps (youve got a killer smile)


sincerely,
the kid

Saturday, December 10th, 2005

(1 black eye | get me good )

Time:1:54 pm.
Mood: aware.
equivelant exchange. in order to gain something, something of equal value must first be lost.
just some stupid show i suppose (one of my favourites), but those words hold more truth than i could have guessed.
now it becomes very apparent that in order to gain what i seek in my life at this point, certain amenities must be surrendered.

Tuesday, December 6th, 2005

(get me good )

Time:10:47 pm.
its insanely hurtful to love someone so much, and have that person not think youre shit.

Sunday, November 20th, 2005

(2 black eyes | get me good )

Time:11:24 pm.
okay yeah so basically i am coughing up lots of nice yummy blood and i think its stress related. today i was forced to fight myself and deal with such a huge amount of venomous rage it made me sick to my stomach.
i felt and still do feel a little betrayed by some people. but i guess its wrong and i should get over it. and also a lot of things that pissed me off and had/have no reasoning behind them is starting to make sense and im starting to see that even if i do over react my anger mostly has a solid, if not childish reason for it. so yeah right now im fucking furious and need a smoke.

and oh yeah, i am an idiot for drinking so much and taking those nice little pills. and haha i have something that pisses me off when certain other people have it, but now i feel better because i have it too. and hahah its mine.
drinking myself into nothingness? probably no good
have the strength to watch out for that shit? almost enough.
need to relax? surely.

Tuesday, November 15th, 2005

(2 black eyes | get me good )

Time:6:53 am.
Name: alex
Birthday: may 7th
Birthplace: minneapolis minnesota
Current Location: hell
Eye Color: dark dark dark brown
Hair Color: black
Height: 5'10
Right Handed or Left Handed: right
Your Heritage: italian hispanic and african american
Your Weakness: loved ones
Your Fears: not being there for someone
Your Perfect Pizza: the free kind
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: evolution
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: fuck off
Thoughts First Waking Up: damn you lisa
Your Best Physical Feature: lack of fat? haha um lips, cliche i know
Your Bedtime: not these days
Pepsi or Coke: beer
McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonalds.
Single or Group Dates: both!
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: beer..
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate.
Cappuccino or Coffee: i said beer!
Do you Smoke: yes!
Do you Swear: yes!
Do you Sing: yes i do, and i love
Do you Shower Daily: no, dont waste water
Have you Been in Love: yes
Do you want to get Married: no.
Do you belive in yourself: it depends in what subject
Do you get Motion Sickness: no.
Are you a Health Freak: hell no
Do you get along with your Parents: dont have any
Do you like Thunderstorms: yes if im outside
Do you play an Instrument: yes. drums and bass, kinda on both
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: yes
In the past month have you Smoked: yes.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: yes.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: oh yay
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: yes, bomb
In the past month have you been on Stage: yes. bomb
In the past month have you been Dumped: yes about 12 times actually.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: negitory
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: yes
Ever been Drunk: shit, ever been sober?
Ever been called a Tease: maybe, youll never find out (see im teasing there.. its a joke)
Ever been Beaten up: YES ALOT, ouch.
How do you want to Die: fast, loud, and beautiful.
What country would you most like to Visit: italy or the mother land
Number of Drugs I have taken: a whole fucking bunch (thats regret not pride)
Number of CDs I own: enough
Number of Piercings: zilch
Number of Tattoos: do scars count?
In a Girl
Favorite Eye Color: darj
Favorite Hair Color: dark
Short or Long Hair: longish
Height: small
Weight: small
Best Clothing Style: none works with me

Friday, November 11th, 2005

(1 black eye | get me good )

Time:1:26 pm.
Mood: bummed.
girl im sorry but i'm leaving.
we're both at fault, we're both to blame.
and it wasn't the other men cause there were other women.
this just isn't love, it's just the remorse of a loss, of a feeling.
even if i stayed it just wouldn't be the same.

double this drink up into the, tallest glass you got.
you know i aint used to sleeping all, alone.
gonna make it to the moon tonight on a 1 way kamikaze flight.
if i could get so high i'll leave behind my problems,
take em out with the empty bottles.

oh girl, i'm sorry, but i'm leaving.
we're both at fault, we're both to blame.
and it wasn't the other men cause there were other women.
this just isn't love, it's just the remorse of a loss of a feeling
even if i stayed it just wouldn't be the same.

me and this guitar are going swinging blind into the unknown.
you know a song and a stage is all i never needed of a home.
someday i, will call from a payphone in a truckstop on the road
and you'll tell me how much better off you've been on your own.

so girl, i'm sorry but i'm leaving.
we're both at fault, we're both to blame.
and it wasn't the other men cause there were other women.
this just isn't love, it's just the remorse of a loss of a feeling
even if i stayed...
it just wouldn't be the.....
same.

Tuesday, September 13th, 2005

(4 black eyes | get me good )

Time:3:47 pm.
Mood: infuriated.
FUCK THIS SHIT.
my patience is torn through, im just angry now.

Friday, August 26th, 2005

(get me good )

Time:12:53 pm.
Mood: just tired.
so this is like sweeps week for me. id like to type it all out, but id vomit and my fingers would get sore, so lets sum it up,
my mom is smoking crack with her boyfriend who is a crackhead and my crackdealing sister comes and beats up said crackhead boyfriend and threatens crack smoking mom, cracksmoking boyfriend and mom tell me they are fleeing town.

Saturday, August 13th, 2005

(get me good )

Time:5:20 pm.
Mood: ive got SUSHI!.
well what a long time its been since ive written in this totally useless piece of shit.. and theres a reason! there is pretty much no more need to write anymore, ive got everything back to the way it should be for the most part. a little too much drinking and drugging but im sure ill grow out of most of it so im not too worried, ive got the girl of my dreams (and everyone elses) back now. and shes perfect to me, treats me way better than i should be treated, and is a little hottie. i love her alot. my moms alright, still a little fucking weird but good all in all. and me? well im fine.
im doing alright, sorry for the bland entry. i just dont really care all that much anymore. bye!

Friday, July 22nd, 2005

(1 black eye | get me good )

Time:4:26 pm.
Mood: high.
okay well so last night i got drunk as always then we sat in peters car and railed some e bomb off of the back of my skateboard. then things got interesting. ive never thought so much about one singular thing, and just totally focused on everything about it/them. now im stoned because i couldnt deal with the feeling this morning. but i see now what it/they was/were talking about. and im sorry for being an asshole. i just thought about her so much. its scary.. her? oops did i let that slip?

drugs are cool.

Wednesday, July 20th, 2005

(get me good )

Time:11:34 am.
Mood: amused.
i dont know how or what has helped me out, couldnt be karma but its here and it worked, maybe its the benevolent force of energy that comes with being OKAY/
who knows who cares, but the prosecutors gave me a plea bargain, one that involves doing no time, but involves some bad stuff that im not sure im willing to go for, but who knows, shit they could even mentally evaluate me to see if i can go to a rehab place instead, but i havent decided on anything, so im just going to go with the flow and make my decision while sober, and while in the air on a skate board. booya.

Tuesday, July 19th, 2005

(1 black eye | get me good )

Time:2:48 pm.
Mood: chill.
jesus, so my mom has some old white veteran dude living in our house, and he sleeps on my bed, and im forced onto the floor of my bedless room, shes smoking pot like a fiend and getting drunk on the reg, my girl situation is so emotionally and sexually convoluted im beginning to think i should just go gay. my financial situation is alright, but it doesnt matter im going to lose my job WHEN I GO TO JUVI AGAIN on the 28th i think. not sure. but sooner than later and for longer than shorter, im drinking a little bit less, maybe because im in tune with ME, and it feels so bomb, its like almost nothing can get me down, im just skating around jamming out to an old tape i found on an old walkman, catching some rays downtown, oh and seeing as how the only person who really reads this is you lisa, please leave your address so i can write you from the hole. ya heard. and by the way, i wish i could come visit you but youve made it totally clear that your parents pretty much want me dead in a gutter, so i guess ill try the phone method. which is hard wheny ou dont have a phone, but i miss you, hope youre at least watching some cool re runs on tv. im mega bummed about the juvi but shit happens mate-o

Friday, July 15th, 2005

(1 black eye | get me good )

Time:7:33 pm.
Mood: cracked out.
wow heavy drugs are really awesome, not as in being really cool but as in awe inspiring.
i learned a whole bunch, like how to say fuck you and mean it

Tuesday, July 12th, 2005

(get me good )

Time:1:33 am.
Mood: stupid.
FOOT IN MOUTH!!!!!

Monday, July 11th, 2005

(1 black eye | get me good )

Time:2:26 am.
Mood: drunk.
i dont know what the fuck youre talking about, or if youre talking about me. but if you think i said those things, youre wrong, because unlike you i dont go bitching to your ex's id say shit to your face, and if you are talking to me, then youve got a whole buncha shit fucked up, because i can guess who youre talking to, but i couldnt guess why youve give the guy much credit, but either way fuck you lisa, you just keep blowing it and fucking with me.

"youre dead to me"
well hon, youre just plain dead, i think you mightve been that way for awhile

Friday, June 24th, 2005

(1 black eye | get me good )

Time:12:52 pm.
ahhahaha Nothing Cleanses Like Fire, way to go School Yard Heroes, they got it JUST RIGHT on that song title

Thursday, June 23rd, 2005

(1 black eye | get me good )

Time:1:32 pm.
Mood: ecstatic.
im (kinda) dating a girl who has pet rats named elvis and francois, and they live in her jacket. and she steals wine.

Saturday, June 18th, 2005

(2 black eyes | get me good )

Subject:I AM FREED
Time:4:24 am.
Mood: every day is exactly the same..
my dearest lisa-
im sorry, i know you might think that this is some kind of stab at you. or hopefully, if youre everything i believe you to be, you could just understand.
a few nights ago, i washed your boxers by hand and folded them up, i have them for you, you should get those back. i went through my computer, every little aim conversation that dead aim saved, i threw em all out, all those pictures in the book i gave you..out. all the poems i wrote for you, burned. my own little non-online "journal" (its a damn diary i know...) i threw them all away. except one page. the one i wrote the last time i saw you before i got dumped. and thats on its way out soon.
you might very well think im pathetic. and thats fine with me, ive been called worse. but just now i think ive totally gotten over you. not just you, but THAT. THAT whatever it was that we had. every kiss is just a kiss now. that surreal feeling of it being something more than just lips touching is just that, a feeling. the rush of seeing you next to me in the morning, just goosebumps from the cold? who knows. it was like a weird little drug.

and ive kicked the habit.

what you are to me now is something that im clueless about. were not really friends, we dont tell eachother things friends would. we dont spend time with one another. i honestly dont even think you really like me. but maybe that feeling is just a residue from the past relationship we had. perhaps its still you having animosity over things i did in the past, faults in my character as it were. which is understandable.
maybe what i did was unforgivable, maybe youll just fade away like a dream after a night of heavy drinking, hehe.
or maybe we'll end up good friends, or married! lord only knows. i hope it goes in a positive way though. you are a mind bogglingly complex beautiful person, i always thought of you as a snowflake, because you are one in a million, billion, trillion. youre one in a lifetime, so complex and having it come together to make the purest, most radiant person ive met in my life as i know it. i love you alot more than you might think. and its not the same strange little moody love i had for you before. its not that high i had before.

guess ive kicked the habit.

PS im keeping the boxers, because if we part ways and happen to not come across paths again, ill have something to remind me of the most incredible high ive ever had in my life. you.

All The Love To Give
-Alex-

LiveJournal for iamrealm.

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